Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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