Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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