I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
