He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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