She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
