even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
