2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize