Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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