Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
