She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
