I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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