If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
