i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
