i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
