it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
