It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
