my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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