I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
