Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
