How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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