I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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