Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
