Christians are straight up FREAKS
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
