You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
