for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
