someone threw a dead crab at me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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