STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
