I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
