exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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