I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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