let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
