he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
