Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
