I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
