There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
