apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
