hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
