So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
