I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
