are you so shy because you have an std?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
