i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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