no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
