I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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