it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
