you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
