what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i already hear my dad disowning me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
