Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
being pregnant is like rehab
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
