Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
