i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
