He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Semen is not good for contacts.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
