Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
