please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize