why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
