Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
