actually, I'm a sock model
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
