you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
