I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
