Do you still have your period?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
