The best revenge is premature balding
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
