So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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