onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
