FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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