Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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