Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize