The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
